Those Advice shared by My Parent That Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."